The reason you are reading this is probably due to the fact that you, your partner or better still both are interested in the Swinging Lifestyle. Hopefully you are reading this together as a couple, rather than one of the partners doing so on the sly in the hope of convincing their other half to try swinging out. This is where most swingers scupper their possibility of success before even getting a taste of the Lifestyle, as they attempt to coax their partner into Swinging without having discussed the matter between them.
There are no two ways about Swinging, as there is no such thing as one partner being a “swinger” while the other is not, or does not know. Such a situation would be as much a violation of trust as any other case of adultery or an outside affair. Hopeful you would have discussed this matter properly and coherently and have weighed the pros & cons of being Swingers. If so, it’s time for some honest introspection. Answering the below will answer your “Is Swinging for Us?” questions.
- Do you understand the difference between Love and Sex?
- How will you feel seeing your partner having fun with another partner(s)?
- Are you going into swinging to please yourself, your partner or is it a decision as a couple?
- Lie in bed together and describe the fantasies you are both looking to fulfil through swinging. Are they acceptable to both? Can you fulfil them together?
- Can you be absolutely honest about everything to each other? (Case in point: there is a couple we like to play with – He has the most incredibly beautiful cock Mrs L has ever seen. Mr L had to come to terms with the fact that he was totally out hung and out gunned here, a fact that I had to acknowledge when asked)
- When asked awkward questions, will you be able to handle the (often brutal) answer? (I must admit that it hurt when Mr L informed me that he had just received the most incredible blowjob ever after one of our first visits to a Swingers Club).
- Are you totally committed to each other? The Swinging lifestyle is about deepening levels of commitment – not lessening them
- Picture yourself mid-sex at a Swingers Club – Will you have the presence of mind to check on your partner periodically? Are you capable of going to ‘rescue’ them at the possible cost of having to cut the experience short? – Mr L does a fantastic job of tactfully rescuing me from overzealous courtiers at times
- Could you look your partner in the eyes and tell them that you Love them after seeing them having great sex with another person/s?
- How do you feel about bisexuality for yourself and/or your partner? (There are fewer male bisexuals in the swinging lifestyle than female, but you should discuss the topic, you may surprise yourself.)
Once you’ve considered the above questions and have a clearer insight into how compatible you and your partner are to the swinging lifestyle you need to have a chat about how you will manage your ‘entry’ into the scene. Sit down, open a bottle of wine, be comfortable and honest with each other and decide what BOTH of you are looking for. Some people start Swinging via voyeurism and having sex with their partner whilst other people are in the same room. Often this leads to soft swapping (which is where couples swap partners but don’t partake in penetrative sex). Soft Swinging is usually a good way for couples to gauge if the swinging lifestyle is for them, and helps confirm what their feelings towards swinging really are.
Now would be a good time to fire-up your laptop and do some reading. Read the Swinging lifestyle blogs, join swinger’s social networks, and check out Swinger club pages for upcoming events. We are fortunate enough to be living in a day and age where information is literally at our fingertips, use this to familiarise yourself with the swinging scene.
Meeting swingers online does come with a caveat, there are many single guys lurking behind fake profiles, as well as many sites that generate fake profiles as a headline figure (Over 2,000,000 Swingers Online! Etc…). Be sure to join a reputable Swingers Social Network, rather than a dating site style one. This will allow you to gauge what a couple is like by their input on site as well as their circle of friends. Be sure to find a swingers social network that uses a validation system. This is similar to eBay’s feedback system, and goes a long way to sport the wheat from the chaff. Another important feature to look out for in a swinger’s social network is a mapping feature that will help find swingers near you or traveling to areas near you.
Dive in, fill in as much detail on your profile as possible and upload a good pic. Steer away from close-up genital shots as these don’t convey much to other swingers about you. Check out the map and find local swingers, send them a message and start a couple of dialogues, you will soon find a swinger couple near you that you are interested in. Set up a date with them and meet face to face. If they are experienced swingers they will be more than glad to guide you into the swinging lifestyle.
So – you’ve had your first swinging experience and you’ve both decided that the Swinging lifestyle is for you. Congratulations! You are well on your way to a happier life with your partner. You now need to decide what sort of partners you are after it is easy to find swingers; however you need to decide what sort of swinging partners you are after. Are you after one night affairs? Or are you more inclined to go for long term friendships. If you are after one-nighters, swinging clubs might be a good option as here you will find local swingers that are ready to party without committing to a social relationship.
If you are looking for long term swinging partners, then you have to bear in mind that the sexual aspect is just the tip of the iceberg. Your swinging partners need to share interests, and have a similar social standard as yourself. It is useless befriending a couple if they are into clubbing till mid-morning in clubs and your idea of a great night is going to the theatre.
Should you go the club route check out the swinger club listings in your swinger’s social network. These will list details such as whether it is a couple’s only club or if single men are let in. Bear in mind that single men can be quite pushy and persistent.
I hope the above will help you in your first tentative steps into the Swingers Lifestyle. The taboo behind swinging is disappearing quickly. Thousands of Swingers clubs, swinger resorts and travel agencies are opening up all around the world. There are large Swinger Social Networks that will help you find swingers near you and a keep contact with those that you met at that swinger’s resort last summer.
Couples everywhere are realising that sexual desires do not simply evaporate when one settles down. And that the Swinging lifestyle offers a safe, honest and clean way of living one’s fantasies and desires.